Degrees of Difference

Hey Bombshells,

I'm exhausted, but I'll try to make this update as informative as possible. I thought that I was superwoman, evidently, and tacked on a huge appointment with an endo specialist at the end of an amazing weekend visiting one of my very best friends. We Just Dance-d, we coffee-d, we slept, we  winery-ed, and we movie-d to our hearts' content. But Monday afternoon I sat in a very plush office and awaited the very specialized expertise of a very knowledgeable doctor and spent three hours learning, in his opinion, what I am up against.

His diagnosis was one hundred eighty degrees different from what the last doctor gave me. Truth be told, he almost missed it. And as he stood next to the exam table explaining to me what he thought was wrong, a lightbulb went off, as they say, and he actually went back and redid his exam before delivering the rather heavy news. He believes I do not, in fact, have andenomyosis, but that I do have a very seriously advanced case of endometriosis.

I couldn't help but laugh, really, as he said to me, "I was nice to meet you, Abigail. You are a very unusual case." I smirked and replied, "What's new." Because really, I'm like a medical anomaly. My hypothyroidism defies "typical" lab work and conventional diagnosis. I have Meniere's Disease, which is a ridiculously debilitating inner ear disorder which randomly, and without warning, makes life into the world's worst tilt-a-whirl ride. And now, I have an "usual case" of endometriosis that a doctor, who is world-renowned in his ability, whom people come to see FROM OTHER COUNTRIES, almost missed.

Yay me.

Kinda.

Not really.

Immediately, I was reminded of Glennon Doyle Melton at Momastery and her post in which she shared the experience of her doctor calling to inform her of her Lyme Disease and the accompanying rare and life threatening parasite destroying her body. She makes reference, completely in jest, to being "special" and that's why God chooses her for these challenges. I have to say, I completely agree.

I am special.

The end outcome is somewhat hazy. And depending on which procedures I choose, I'm weighing the possibility of needing surgery again down the road or losing my ability to carry a child ever again. Surgery is a necessity if I want to increase my quality of life. Very expensive surgery. Which means while I am eager to feel better, my decision making will be financially prudent and not a knee-jerk reaction. I will be seeking the opinion of one more doctor before I start moving forward on anything.

I'd love to hear from other Endo Warriors out there. I'm new to all of this. I'm all about absorbing and receiving right now. Share your story. Too many of us have been silent for too many years. We need to speak up. We need to eradicate the shame and embarrassment associated with female reproductive health.

Finding gratitude in the face of bad news

Today has been a hard day for me, Bombshells. In a whirlwind hour-long appointment at the doctor's office, I learned I have endometriosis and adenomyosis, the later of the two is the bigger problem it seems. The doctor presented this somewhat matter-of-factly, along with myriad of ways it can be treated including artificial hormones, uterine ablation, and hysterectomy – none of which sounded reasonable to me.

I guess I've had symptoms for years, but I always talked myself out of it. The painful cramps and flu-like symptoms I've suffered were key sign, but every month I told myself I was being a cry-baby, that many women had cramps far worse than I did and I just needed to push through. Eventually, the symptoms became too prominent, and out of fear over the state of my health, I sought medical help.

Grateful. In the face of this abrupt news, I am grateful because I need to be. It's the only way I can cope with the situation. This is big. Not cancer big, not life-threatening big, but life-altering big. I'm relatively young (37) and I'm faced with the fact that, essentially, I can't have any more kids. Trust me, I am immensely grateful that I have three healthy, vibrant children. Adenomyosis, from what I understand, most often develops after you have had children. But it feels like my autonomy has been taken from me. Honestly, I didn't intend to have more children, but I like knowing that I could change my mind. That maybe, if some crazy urge struck me, it was still a possibility.

No longer.

I know I'm not the first woman to be unexpectedly stripped of her fertility. Still, it's a hard reality to swallow.  But I refuse to have part of my body removed before I have explored every available alternative. I will be researching like a mad woman for everything and anything to help me reduce the symptoms and relieve the pain. No stone will remain unturned.

Please, Bombshells, share your stories, your experience, your remedies, I want to hear it all. I'm so grateful to have all of you by my side as I navigate this detour on my path through life.